I am a part of the sandwich generation.
I am torn between caring for my mom in Michigan and going to California to spend time with our grandsons.
When we are in Michigan, I miss our California family so much. I look at pictures we took on our last visit, I watch the video clips taken, and we sometimes Skype with them. Alexander and Sebastian are 33 months and they change so much in a short amount of time. I hate being away very long. We try to support their parents. We make sure they get out without the children. They need the break and time for each other. I cannot imagine rearing my children without the support of an extended family.
When we are in California, I wonder if my mom is OK. I wonder if she is eating. I wonder if she will die while I am gone. She is very understanding about my huge need to travel to CA often and never tries to make me feel guilty for leaving her. I am thankful for that, but I still feel badly.
On one of my flights home from California, I met a delightful Vietnamese couple. As strangers sometimes do, we shared stories of our lives and families. When I shared my dilemma, they told me the story of taking his mother back to Vietnam to die. They stayed two weeks and got her settled at a family member's home, but had to leave before she died, because they had to get back to their three children an aunt was caring for in California. They took solace in this Vietnamese saying, "Tears only flow down." They explained that it means - you must care for your children before your parents. You do the best you can by your parents, but your first priority has to be your children.
I have thought of those words often over the last two years.
Love this. My father-in-law recently passed away. He was the last of our parents and although he was ready to go, I still feel somewhat like an orphan. I'll keep in mind that "tears only flow down."
ReplyDeleteNancy
I think my father-in-law was relieved when he passed. He was so sad each time a loved one went before him.
ReplyDeleteI understand the "orhpan" feeling. I felt ungrounded for a long time after my father passed. Can't imagine what it will be like with both of them gone.